Originally posted on 05-28-07:
I didn’t post yesterday, and it’s all Po Bronson‘s, fault. Somewhere early on in his book What Should I Do With My Life?, I came across the idea of becoming caught in choices that were made once-upon-a-time that no longer reflected the current situation.
The personal choice that came to mind was my purchase of a digital SLR and a very high-end lens a year and a half ago that I’ve used very little since. I bought it because I had had a film SLR for quite a few years—bought in 1988—with even more high-end lenses, and had taken some great pictures in my quest to become a professional nature photographer. When I gave up on that, I bought a 4×5 camera in my quest to become a professional fine art photographer. I had more success with that—was in a few local shows and sold a few photos—but eventually decided I didn’t like the marketing end of it and gave that up.
Next I bought a digital point and shoot and sold all the other camera and darkroom equipment. I upgraded to better point and shoot’s as they came out, and I was happy with them, taking pics to share on the web, until I moved into this apartment. Something about that move led me to buy the digital SLR. It was a kind of “graduation present,” I think, to celebrate my new life, and I thought the improved quality of the photos would make it worth carrying this big piece of equipment around. But in fact, I was still only interested in taking pics for the web, and I missed the portability and macro capabilities of the smaller camera.
Having spent what, for me, is a large sum of money on this outfit, I was reluctant to admit I had made a mistake, and to lose a large chunk of it in going back to smaller/cheaper. Po’s book brought me to face all that, and to the realization that I would rather get what money I could out of the SLR than have it sit around unused.
Which finally brings me back to yesterday. I have a theory that Sunday is the best day to have an auction end, because people can be at home to make that final bid, so I gave myself another deadline: get the auctions started today. It was an all-day job: gathering up all the pieces, composing and editing the photos, writing copy, etc., and by the time I was done I had a few housekeeping chores to do and the productive day was over.
Early on I was imprinted with an idea that has fundamentally shaped my life: Know the truth and the truth will set you free. The image that characterized the idea for me was of a puppy chasing its tail. I didn’t want to wake up late in life and realize that I had been running madly in circles, going nowhere.
That early imprinting led me to question everything, and to a somewhat erratic course as I bounced from one realization to another. It has been an exciting, rewarding ride, however, and I have been grateful for that early imprinting and for those along the way, like Po, who led me to question where I was at the time.
Where Am I Now?